Life sucks

I’m fucked.

I’m so tired.

Fatigued today, is what I mean.

Did some useless tedious shit that keeps the science machine running at work today for a few hours.

I’m supposed to be programming but I’m putting it off to tomorrow (Saturday) because, like I said, I’m very fatigued for no reason whatsoever.

Medicated change. Risperdal down latuda up.

I guess body getting used to it.

I should be on medical leave only, I’m just hired a few months ago and really there’s no such thing as leave for the likes of me. That’s the law.

Mom’s asleep. Talking to her is alright but I mean, not the best.

Dad’s home. He went shopping or something. He’s retired finally. Good for him. Only, he has a foot condition where the balls get super dry and painful.

Fucked.

Literally show me a healthy person.

They’re usually young or just exercise a fuckton or what? I don’t know. Win the genetic lottery. How to be healthy.

Self-help books are not an option. They are a scam.

Everyone knows this.

Waste o money.

I’m subscribed to a bunch of twitch streamers.

Sigh.

Waste o money.

Why not save for down payment to a house, eh?

If I ever get hired permanent.

Like, I like work or something. I don’t.

Work is misery.

Life is misery.

I have nothing. No activities, no objects, and no people. Nothing in between or surrounding.

I have fresh air, water, and some food. A house.

That’s so much to some.

Is it?

I’m tired of playing dumb.

It’s not enough it’s basic come on it’s 2021 folks get with the times. These are basic things. I need so much more.

Activity. Belonging. Place. Occupation. Health. Relation. Location. Space.

These things. More basic or more complicated?

Yeah. I thought so.

I’m so tired. I don’t know what to do.

There’s no good way to end this post.

There’s hardly ever a good moment in life.

My childhood, though I was abused by father psychologically, was sometimes better than this.

There’s really nothing to life. I don’t know what people get out of the deal.

Sigh.

I give up.

I’m sorry.

There’s no good way to end this post.

People psychically invading my brain. I have no reprieve. That may be one reason I’m so tired. My brain is noisy and polluted, a slave to others.

I don’t know how people know how to own me so well.

Or what gives them the right to do so.

My psych meds don’t work.

No psych meds work.

It’s a scam.

Big pharma.

Science.

It’s all flawed.

I’m smarter than them all.

There’s no proof that I’m not.

Most are just luckier and more entitled than me.

Science. What a joke.

I give up.

I don’t want to be insane anymore.

I’m not a violent person.

I act normal.

But I suffer so much.

I cried a few times today.

Eh.

Boring.

What gives.

Who cares.

That’s all.

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