Wow. What? I am so zoned right now. Relaxed. Yummy. I took 10 mg extra propranolol as recommended by my psychiatrist for anxiety and 2 hours earlier than normal and now I’m so relaxed. Wow medicine can work! Miraculous. Everything’s NOT a total fucking failure after all! Also I love vidya games. I so desperately […]

I’m like, horrified that I could turn psychotic soon for the evening. Not violent, just crazy. Sigh… And at the same time I’m depressedly not wanting to do anything. Really not feeling good. These meds. I don’t know. Is it just me?

Normally I would review my posts that you seem to like or at least smash the Like button to, and review, and get to know you based on your preferences. But I am so ashamed of who I am on here and what I say that I don’t think I can do that. I’m sorry.

I worked on programming all day, with like an hour nap around lunch time, and time flew by. It’s not really rewarding because of my antipyshcotic medication drains me of all happiness. I don’t understand how this is tolerable medicine. Western healthcare is so fucked. Oh yeah–my mom might have cancer? God. Life is miserable.

I’m tired of apologizing for being myself. People fault me for being “racist” or “bigoted”. You know what? I don’t care. Understand the context. I have a debilitating mental illness that puts me through hell, and I’m not allowed, on my personal blog that you are by no means required to visit, to vent a […]