I don’t want to be artistic anymore
It makes me a drunkard
It makes me scary
It makes me a psycho
I don’t want to be an artiste anymore
I just want to say it like it is. I feel this force telling me no don’t do it that way. I also don’t want to fight anymore, so I can do it your way. But I also don’t want to do it your way.
Then it told me to quit, just now.
I am in so much love.
With my own life.
Does that make sense?
I drank last night. Again.
On Latuda. Which has a warning not to drink on it.
I just want to sleep more. The forces get me out of bed.
I need to brush my teeth. I didn’t yesterday. My hygiene is atrocious.
I just want things to be alright for once. I’m past my breaking point.
Inside my mind or outside, I want things to be normal. Or if not normal, compassionate.
I want to be okay. I want others to be okay.
I don’t know what to do.