I feel so desperately alone. I cannot believe I have to go to work today. Is there any point in even writing this down?

No one knows me. I have no friends. There’s no point in living. I trudge on out of obligation, to my family, because they love me.

Life is a prison.

I drank, a lot, twice, two nights that is, on latuda, which explicitly says not to drink while taking it. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Is my liver going to be destroyed? Will I be in agonizing pain before I know it?

I felt soft this morning. Like, my body is weak and has no muscle. I used to be somewhat muscular, from the tennis. I don’t play that sport anymore, regularly.

So i’m out of shape. But it’s also the meds, they cause weight gain. Part of the torment is not even knowing how much of it is which.

I just want to be able to see lucidly. I want to see my room and not feel despair. I want to see the environment around me and feel alright.

This is terrible.

I don’t know what to do.

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