I just hope all of this blows over. My scars. The people who know OF me, who hate me for what I did to them. That I threatened them, scared them, deeply.

I was also hoping to learn to keep it to one blog post a day, to establish a better schedule. But I’m handicapped, mentally, not retarded just psychotic, nonviolent except sometimes I yell (wow admitting that, can you imagine?), so I have to do what I have to do to (feel like I am) get(ting) by.

It’s lame. I’m really just fucking stupid. I’m a retard. I’m really fucking stupid.

It’s mellower tonight. It might be because I took 1.5 mg clonazepam yesterday for the psychotic break. The half life on that one is 2 days.

I hope it’s actual recover, and the latuda starting to ramp up. That would be a god send. Srsly.

Well I don’t know. I’ll keep doing normal things. Following my intuition and judgment.

I need to keep learning. Knowledge is so fucking important. Jesus fucking Christ. How did I ever come to question that knowing about reality the universe and everything could be a BAD thing!?

Jesus.

I’m just so fucking stupid.

Over and out.

varjak

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