You can tell I have akathisia because I micropost: I post small posts, short posts that is, frequently. It indicates a lack of depth and attention, and a need to move around, including from task to task, all the time. Maybe I should tone it down on “all the time” and other superlatives. It might get me in trouble at some point, with the scientists. lol imaginaryyyyyy :D

Maybe some Twitch.

No psychosis today. Well, I guess, some social anxiety, and it is a slippery slope, so where do you draw the line, really.

I’m so tired. I just want to go back to work on Tuesday and Thursday. Those are our lab days. I’m a scientist, btw. In pharma. =) We make life-saving medicine and medical devices. Yep. If life matters, I suppose. I don’t know if I have my head straight when I say that.

Just one thing to the next. Just one thing to the next.

Jack Kerouac. That was the beat poet’s name. I need to tell my mom. I need to read him.

I don’t know if I’m good at what I do anymore. I don’t know if I can see accurately. Hallucinations are sometimes not about seeing concrete things, but about having your PERSPECTIVE warped, severely. Those are hallucinations too. Or would you call them delusions? It’s a transition, is it not? Seems that way. But possibly different brain regions responsible for those two.

Had two glasses of wine with mom. Trying to learn to drink responsibly. Really, it would help so much.

I yell at my doctors. It’s horrifying. I told one to kill themself. I guess that’s not technically a death threat, but it is very very no-no.

Wow. I am so scarred by my own behavior. I bet it’s not as bad for them. I really do.

Sigh.

I don’t know what else to say. I tried watching The Martian with mom tonight. Made it halfway through. I like the movie. Some logical fuckups, totally, some things totally not making sense (why didn’t they just orbit instead of abandoning him?). But anyway.

I should visit mom now. And I’ll go to twitch and not enjoy it that much. And I am subscribed to a few streamers because it’s cheap and I like supporting good causes. Warm entertainment is a good cause.

Why do I fake it. Why can’t I be honest anymore. My mom gave me my melatonin.

It might be bed time soon.

She is so depressed about our dead pet cat in the background. I wish there were something I could do for her.

You can sort of sense things, but it also takes putting two and two together. If you know people, you can tell things about them.

Life is strange, is it not.

Sigh.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s