This blog has turned into a swearing place. A place to swear. I’ve relegated it to filth. I don’t remember how to write, I don’t remember how to match up my words artistically. I think that’s because I forgot that hard days will pull you down, and you have to practice to improve. At anything, really. When the hard days make your performance work, you have to practice to get back to your former glory. I used to be an awesome blogger. I gave a really succinct and clever window into my life. People would want to know me, well, I don’t actually remember, maybe I didn’t have any friends just like now. lol. Hahahahahahahahha this shit is FUCKED! I don’t want to go to alcohol rehab, cunts! I dno’t! Stop wasting my time! It’s a bunch of other alcoholics talking what’s on their mind, it’s not relevant to me, it’s such a royal waste of time. Whoever designed it is a dumbass.
I’ve discovered one thing: Doctors are actually pretty stupid. They’re just hard workers, that’s all. But in intellect, they don’t have much. I’m smarter than many doctors I know. Possibly all of them.
My mother is all scold scold. I wish I could describe in detail like a lawyer the ramifications of everyone’s actions but that would take too long. But I always use that excuse–that it would take too long. I don’t know what to do.
I’m panicking. This blog used to be a great place. I had fun times in it. What happened. Eh? Boi?
I think I need to control my drinking just a bit, and find alternate ways to control my anxiety.
So to the topic of the hour: I have to email my manager saying I can’t do lab work anymore because it gets me so anxious that I just freeze up and can’t function.
Okay, things in the way, but I did just do that.
I also told my doctor I can attend the once weekly group therapy session, probably an hour long or so?, hour and a half from what I remember?, to help me stop drinking so much booze. I find that even using the work booze to refer to alcohol indicates you are somewhat of an alcoholic, as in you value the alcohol less and think of it as a plentiful commodity. Psychology, eh?
I had to choose whether I can help my group members out at work with manual labor, but it’s like, fucked. They’re probably just going to fire me. It’ll go to senior management and they’ll fire me. I said that’s no problem it’s been a pleasure working with them. I used this smiley face: =)
Well fuck. My anxiety bursts back up again. I have to work on coursera class. It just doesn’t want to be solved. I need to intensity my efforts there. Getting that third course certification would be immense.
I’ll leave it at that for now. Know that I love you, always and forever, even when I hate you. ;-D