Oof, feelings, so pain, much ouwhch

I am really worried about my serious lack of progress in my career lately. I am to be studying for a career in data science and have made minuscule progress over the last few weeks. Things should move. Quickly. All work environments always say they are fast-paced. If I am not, I won’t fit in, and I won’t get a job working in data science.

I have to finish this Coursera.org certificate course for machine learning by building a machine learning model for some boring but nontrivial data provided.

Mom is (and dad was) watching some hoax fake-ass nigger-shit program about UFOs and how the government investigates them. I’m from America, the United States, for context. It’s so disappointing to see paranoia at the top level of the government. People are insane and it’s hard to find a straight shooter. I like logical, sane humans, excuse me, fuck you otherwise, all hell break loose and thank you goodbye hello.

So that is that.

Why can’t I study? My motivation is just, it’s so hard to get started. I don’t get it. I don’t know.

Typing on this keyboard is easier now than it normally is, I don’t know what is right with my muscles compared to normally. My fingers feel like they’re working correctly for once, and aren’t all lethargic and stuff.

I went on a hike and then a walk with mom today. Brothers were supposed to join us but bailed. We didn’t mind.

Then we went shopping and window shopping and just through a shopping center doing some shopping. It was nice. Not really buying all too much but you know, grab a coffee drink, look around at stuff. We got mom a notebook, rather pretty. May end up being a Christmas present.

See the basic thing it boils down to, is, I want to be good at my job. Whatever my career is, I want to be an expert at it. I don’t want to be “challenged” so that I’m sweating down my shorts insanely anxious because the tasks are so difficult for me I can’t even handle it. I want things to proceed casually, normally, smoothly. I don’t know what manager wouldn’t, either. But I’m a nervous bitch. If things aren’t perfect, I flip. That’s why I’m signing up for ADA, in essence. That’s the Americans with Disabilities Act. Kind of a pejorative term, but meh.

So. We’ll see if I get to keep my job! Hooray hooray! Well. You never know.

Fuck. This shit is fucked. I feel horrible. I want to have an occupation. The world has stolen occupation from me, and it’s not fair, and I want it back.

And fuck you, talking TV from downstairs spying on my typing and thoughts. Fuck you hard.

Sorry, telepathy/psychosis.

Latudaaaaaaaaaaaaa! n.n

Lurasidoooooooooone. :P

Saw a speedrun of Legend of Mana on Twitch today.

Fuck is these blog posts just me going to be me rote reciting this happened then this happened fuck no. That’s drab. Fuck that shit.

Fuck it like a whore on a horse.

Yeah rida.

Yeah.

Right.

-_- :px100 fuckoffallyallballas

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