On the upkick of recovery

I don’t feel like blogging here anymore. It feels so insignificant. My voice is so small and pathetic. A drop in the ocean.

Meaningless.

But all that aside, I have to say that I have about a year to get my shit together. I have a year of disability pay compliments of California taxpayers (thank you! dear god, thank you…) to study and reeducate for a new career. So, no med school, but something like data science seems feasible. I don’t want to get bogged down by shitty details like bugs in homework assignments that don’t let you pass a course, because there’s always a way around. And just to put this forth, it’s not like, I mean

I’m not always a negative person. Though it might seem so. I am capable of positivity. But I want to keep it real. At all costs.

Delusions of reference are an interesting thing. It’s like, semi-famous people, on the internet or elsewhere, are talking personally to you, know you. It’s scary, but it kind of also makes me feel special. I live with it, I get used to it, it is what it is.

I swore at my supporters on here recently. I think you should be able to take that, because words are cheap and who gives a shit if some prick (me) is just pissing on you on the internet. No effect! Amiright?

Reminds me of Amber. As always.

Lust.

What else…

I need to learn to draw. But it seems like such a fucking mindwracking chore to exercise the creative technical side of like, being able to focus on an image and reproduce it in such detail. It just seems overwhelming, learning it all. And without knowing the fundamentals (like shading, being able to reproduce shapes accurately, for me it’s largely shading and light I suck at), it’s hard to produce anything you’re proud of. So then you say like, why bother doodling, and it’s GG no more drawing there that’s it done show. =/ Kinda suck

Kinda suck.

I’m around. If you ever need to talk drop a comment.

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