My father is a cheerful and active person, but I don’t think he can actually help me psychologically. At this point I’m just rotting and waiting until my psychiatrist appointments in about a week. I wonder what they will do. I can’t go on SSRI’s because they increase my psychosis and at higher doses give […]

I don’t know what to do. I’m going crazy. How do I make friends? I’m so sorry for all the lonely children living during lockdown. Schools were shut. No social interaction. I always thought of myself as an independent person who didn’t need people. Here I am being the biggest hypocrite. I just want some […]

When did video games stop being fun. There really is something blocking my pleasure hormones, isn’t there. I just realized the magnitude of the problem. I’m not mildly depressed; I’m severely depressed. And it’s been this way for years and I haven’t even realized it. Fuck. Why.

I have nowhere to go. There is no meaning in my life. I’m stressed from the void of nothing I have to do, and I’d just naturally go back “home” or to my “comfort zone” but I don’t have one. I feel like a homeless vagabond. Always on edge. Never at rest. Life is misery.

So I guess I’m living life my way. I insist upon it, and do it. But that’s mostly indulging in media on the computer. Trying to get as much diversity and news about the world from the internet as possible. To feed my mind. I don’t want to read. I’m fucking horrified of ever returning […]