I’m so depressed. My dad wanted to play tennis with me so I told him I could, but then I changed my mad, and now I feel guilty and bad about it. Mom wanted to go for a short hike with me at the park and I said I could, but then changed my mind and now I feel guilty and bad about it.

I don’t do things because I don’t want to do things.

Why is that such a fucking crime.

My parents are Naga Sirens. They Nag a lot.

Joke.

But really, they’re torture. They’re like fucking five year olds.

My mom asks THE MOST stupid questions you’ll ever hear. Ever. It’s so annoying. I just don’t answer. I just don’t.

I’d tell her to shut up but then she’d guilt trip me into thinking I’m a bad person.

Both my parents are manipulative slime from Ukraine old country.

Fuck.

Wow.

I don’t have good genes. Not a good shot at this.

=/

I’m so depressed, what else, now it’s not perfect, what is wrong? Something feels wrong.

I don’t get it.

What’s wrong?

Delusions. Psychic messages from people. Who is this one coming from?

Fuck I am so sick of being psychotic. This shit is so old. How do I ignore it?

How do I exercise?

How do I ever be happy ever again WITHOUT FORCING IT AND MAKING IT SUPER UNNATURAL?

Or does it have to be unnatural? Is that the only way?

I’m so sick of it.

I’m so sick of it all.

I have nowhere to go.

I get one appointment with my psychiatrist a month.

No therapy.

Wtf. Medical system is fucked.

Therapists have never helped me but I want to try again.

Fuck.

I don’t know.

I don’t have anyone to talk to.

There’s no reason to make art if no one is ever going to see it.

Everything I do is for other people.

I don’t really actually exist, because nothing in my life is strictly speaking for me, myself.

It’s twisted.

I don’t know what to say.

I have nowhere to go.

There’s no reason to study CSS because I will never make it, it’s too far away, a pipe dream like everything else.

My legs are growing weak, losing muscle mass, from not running like I did every day of my life for like 20 years.

I’m so fucked.

I’m such a loser.

I don’t know what to do.

Etc.

There’s no good note to end on.

My blog is guilt tripping me, too.

Fuck.

Didn’t know I had three parents.

Or just three enemies really.

Sigh.

Nothing is good.

I’m so fucked.

Wow.

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