I threw up again. I go and force it until the puke starts to taste bitter and my stomach feels relief. I don’t know what chemical is in there that is a combination of my meds and alcohol, or if that’s how it works, or if my body is producing it being triggered by the alcohol and drugs (meds), but, it doesn’t feel good.
I also can’t sleep anymore. Fucking sucks. Sleep is perhaps my favorite thing these days. Not having any responsibilities. Being legally allowed to rest. Hah. Legally. Like it’s the state that’s pushing me to work. It isn’t. It’s my own self-drive. I never acknowledge that but maybe I should.
I love you, I love you, etc., you are amazing people, what more can I say.
Do I sound like Trump? =) =P
I don’t know, man. I don’t know.
Like, I guess, I should turn off the light and computer and get back in bed, enjoy the darkness.
Problem is, suddenly transitioning from bright lights to total darkness feels really rough to me. It feels harsh. Like, my psyche is being abraded by the sudden transition. Oh also, it’s not totally dark where we live; there are lights on the outsides of the houses, night lights, or whatever you call them, and they leak into the house. It’s really stupid architecture. Light pollution! Just what we need more of! Superb.
I don’t know what to say. I’m nervous because I did something risky on the internet recently. I won’t tell you what it is. It’s not with money or sex, it’s just… like hacking stuff. I shouldn’t talk about it.
Just sitting here is not so bad, though. Iunno.
Vacation at the end of the month with mom and brother the middle. Hmm. Should be alright. We’re going to Italy. Rome. Yeah.
I’m like scared of talking about myself now for some reason. Because of that risky thing I did. I’m not a smart computer hacker so I wonder if it will backfire. I don’t think it was a criminal act but I don’t know.
Ugh. One more problem I don’t need in my life.
I hope I don’t get caught.
I’ll try to go to bed I guess.
Mom says eating food helps her fall asleep. I don’t know. The doctors say not to. It’s contradictory.
I don’t want to get in trouble with the law. Ugh. So stupid.