Fuck. Do I need to hire a life coach or something? I feel like I do. That’s pathetic.

Mom and I donated some old clothes to Goodwill.

Then I had a taco for lunch, I will have more a little later, I am too lazy to assemble them right now so when I’m in the mood and possibly hungrier. I wish I weren’t so lazy I could eat now it tastes awesome. Our home made tacos always taste great.

After that spurt of cleaning this morning which gave me purpose and drive, I now know not what to do with my life again. Mom said take a chocolate (dark, small piece) for the panic. I did that. I guess it helps a little.

But I don’t know what activity to engage in. I have to learn or read or something. I skipped my group substance therapy because it’s a waste of my time, it’s mostly other people talking about their problems. Waste of my time.

I need to study web design, data science, french, I have a few math books I need to finish reading, other stuff. Lots to read. Fiction, lots of classical and otherwise fiction to catch up on. A new book about the history of Ukraine I ordered I need to read, I have it now. But I don’t read so I just feel guilty. It’s a terrible system. Making myself read is so hard. What is wrong with me?

I really would like to clean my room more but I don’t know where to start. It’s fucked.

So I’m stuck. I’m slated n fated for misery, suffering, and mental agony.

=(

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