I threw up. Then the visuals started. Now I have an episode, visual hallucinations, nightmare terror. I’m so scared. It’s always this way.
I had this real heavy Georgian (Europe) wine, and it was so acidic I threw up after four glasses.
So, I don’t get the benefit of the drunk.
I have a case manager. I didn’t tell her I’m drinking again. I’m supposed to take a shower. I’m supposed to take care of myself even though I’m depressed and horrified and the walls are just collapsing and my life is in ruins.
I don’t know what to do.
I just want to have some laughs, smiles, with some folks or by myself. This is the last thing available.
I don’t know.
I sense my mother spying on me. But she’s also depressed. Or whatever. She doesn’t give a shit about me. She’s pragmatic to the point of soullessness. S’fucked.
I guess I should send my case manager a message. I wouldn’t know what to say.
I’m in this state I’ve frequently repeatedly been in, where it feels like nothing can save me.
It’s a lost cause.
I’m already dead.