I threw up. Then the visuals started. Now I have an episode, visual hallucinations, nightmare terror. I’m so scared. It’s always this way.

I had this real heavy Georgian (Europe) wine, and it was so acidic I threw up after four glasses.

So, I don’t get the benefit of the drunk.

I have a case manager. I didn’t tell her I’m drinking again. I’m supposed to take a shower. I’m supposed to take care of myself even though I’m depressed and horrified and the walls are just collapsing and my life is in ruins.

I don’t know what to do.

I just want to have some laughs, smiles, with some folks or by myself. This is the last thing available.

I don’t know.

I sense my mother spying on me. But she’s also depressed. Or whatever. She doesn’t give a shit about me. She’s pragmatic to the point of soullessness. S’fucked.

I guess I should send my case manager a message. I wouldn’t know what to say.

I’m in this state I’ve frequently repeatedly been in, where it feels like nothing can save me.

It’s a lost cause.

I’m already dead.

One thought on “

  1. Bonsoir,
    Longtemps que je n’étais pas passé chez toi, entre ma compagne et ses enfants je n’ai plus beaucoup de temps.
    Pour ce soir, un peu alarmé par ce qui t’arrive, je ne peux que te répéter de garder force, courage et poésie. La vie t’as donné ces trois dons, préserve les.
    Je t’accolade et je pense bien à toi. Tu n’es ni mort ni seul

    Liked by 1 person

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