I get this empty destroyed feeling about my blog.
Like, this is not a good place to write, to put my thoughts.
That I will just be critiqued by the spirits of this place and not allowed to enjoy myself expressing myself.
This blog is haunted, and cursed, and dead.
Simultaneously, it’s supposed to be where I go to vent.
And then it’s supposed to be all better after I finish venting.
This simple formula worked for so long. And it’s supposed to keep working.
But something is drastically wrong.
And it could just be my subconscious perception of this blog. Could be soiled.
But I don’t know. It’s enticing to believe it’s something more. A conspiracy, a coverup, something.
I want to read still, and still it’s hard for me.
Everything I want to do is hard.
I want to study. That’s hard work for my brain. It’s like exercise, and you feel so worn out afterwards.
I have to shit from breakfast and coffee. Brb.
So, something interesting: When I think the phrase, “I’ve got to get rid of that shit,” referring to feces I have to get rid of from my bowels, the first use of “shit” in the phrase has the meaning “stuff” not “feces”. That’s how to read it appropriately, in English.
So, it’s amazing how the mind can actually keep its ducks in a row sometimes. =)