I have CBT for anxiety at 10 today.

Yesterday was not psychiatric crisis, but it was emotional crisis.

It’s strange that that can happen.

I just want to feel normal.

I felt so suppressed. I don’t know if delusions and hallucinations had anything to do with it. I would say not, but maybe delusions. I don’t remember for sure. Suggests maybe there was a lack of them.

I need a friend for life.

I need to read the Flannery O’Connor collected works on my desk.

And PKD’s Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said.

And I have to finish submitting to 18 more journals, my poetry, before the deadline.

Twitch isn’t my home. It’s more, my summer camp.

The parents are out to change the oil in the car at the shop today.

We have too many cars. Dad’s fault.

I wish I played piano.

I wish I could just sit still and focus on a task for an hour.

I’m so jumpy, I can’t do anything.

I’ll never succeed in life.

=(

I want to cry.

I’ll never succeed in life.

='(

For such a gentle morning, it’s such great sadness, to think, that you will never fit in, ever.

And you are just this appendage, dongling off the human species at an odd angle. Adding no features or funsies. Just sort of weird and out there. Doing whatever it is you do for no reason or rhyme.

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