I have to accept so much shit from my parents. They just are shit. I don’t have to accept anything from them. Their noise. Their psychological torment. They are vile.

Watching a fun new game on Twitch. Not innovative: Guns, military, shooting. Innovative: Many players per round (~100-200), two sides, tactical point-taking.

Kind of cool.

I am loving what this Gabapentin is doing to my brain.

My parents say I’m not allowed to have opinions.

That’s rather narrow-minded of them. Given they have too many of their own.

Hypocrisy never ends, folks.

Not prepared to admit it could be a delusion.

The delusions. Telepathy. People who don’t know me, disapprove of my decisions. These are delusions, right? It doesn’t make sense.

But it really bums me out.

My delusions ruin my mood.

I need to cut them out.



I don’t know–who knows.

I’m so ruined. Depression and psychotic. Not fun.

And all I can think about again (after a pause of no thoughts but perturbation) is my parents, and how angry at them I am.

Their defense.

What have they done.

No lawyer.

None needed.

I saw meaning in creation an hour ago.

Now not so much.

Father makes things go too fast.

Then my brain jams.

I have to study web design.

I have to watch videos on my course.

Then I have to design a website.

I’m overdue for the two last weeks of coursework.

Which means it’ll be harder to find a peer to grade my assignment.

Am I not supposed to write in here?

I have no role models to go off of.

Whoever thinks they’re guiding me, they aren’t.

Anyone tells you, I’m varjak’s mentor, they’re lying.

I’m really fucking alone.

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