If I look at my email inbox and there’s nothing new except for recruiter spam one more fucking time, I’m going to fucking shoot myself. Or have more decaf.
I’ve been treating motivation as this mysterious holy grail. I don’t think, really actually, it’s that mysterious. You’re motivated to work by a paycheck. You’re motivated to complete personal projects for the final product’s coolness. You’re motivated to exercise because it feels good and being fit feels good. I don’t get motivation from any of […]
Something was put at ease. I don’t know what it was. But something is in the right “spot” now. There’s a half still dangling. But the main chunk is replete. I feel stronger. Less psychotic. But the depression it’s not really depression. It’s just negative symptoms. That part is fucking me over so hard. I […]
I’m so lonely. I can’t let it be known on Facebook that I don’t have a life. But really, I don’t. I don’t have any discipline either. I’m so tired. Writing in here is hard work. And I have done MORE THAN ENOUGH. I can judge. And yet, no one bites. The world does not […]
I need to sleep. I had a good day but fuck, it’s 4:22 AM. What the fuck.
What am I supposed to be doing. How about some neurosurgery: (/ break the algorithm) crack whatever ok so When I blog There’s temporary reprieve But also something deeper It feels like writing FIXES something And in the moment It feels like everything is being fixed But the rate Is inflated Compared to after it’s […]
I would chat with my friends late at night like this if I could. Only, I don’t drink anymore. It’s the cool thing to do when you’re in your 30s. Wow I’m not even old. I’m just in my 30s. Mortality looms. Buahahahah. Or is it muahahahah. *cockneyed*
I don’t know what’s wrong, I just don’t want to sleep. Sleep doesn’t feel like a comforting solace. I guess, yeah, I’m emotionally unstable now. Still introverted, so, no one can tell, but nonetheless. Spacetime fabrickey wabrickey astrophysics stuff. Or just astronomy. It takes some physics into account as base knowledge.
I’m just stuck at this computer But I don’t actually have anything to do I have no imagination I can’t figure out how to entertain myself Or any good projects to work on Outside of scheduled hours I’m stupid, in other words =(
Feeling more normal. Less psychotic. It really creeps up on me these days. As does the anger. =( But… I don’t know. I’m up late. It’s 1:57 AM. I should have fallen asleep by now but my normal sleep schedule lately has been falling asleep at 6 PM and staying in bed until the next […]