I don’t know what to say. At least my nails are clipped. There’s so much. My mom keeps pressuring me to go out. Let’s rephrase that: My mom keeps pressuring me. Seem less like a good deed now? Yeah. I thought so.
I don’t even want to write. That’s how bad it is.
Though, I’ve written through psychotic episodes that have ravaged my mind. The pain. It’s all about pain, and fear. I now think fear is just a form of pain. Do consider. Join the light and all that.
Mom’s in the shower. She doesn’t actually want to help me. She tells me to eat and take my pills and throws her hands up, says she doesn’t know how to help me. I can’t say she tried very hard. She says I have to help myself. Bitch.
But it’s clear, I’ve made it clear a million times on here, that she is a bitch, and that I hate her. I mean she’s okay. Whatever.
I don’t want to be involved with psychiatry. It’ll only ruin your mood and self-confidence. It’s backwards. I skipped CBT for Depression yesterday because I didn’t fucking want to go. And if I have to explain that to my psychiatrist she will judge me. Fuckers. They break so many basic tenets of human respect and decency in the name of getting the job done. Fags. Fuckasses. I hate medicine teehee!
I have this annoying beard stuff on my chin that I can’t resist picking. I do it a lot. And of course I don’t solve the problem by shaving. Because why? Because fuck you, that’s why.
This doesn’t matter, and it’s stupid to write it down, but (and all creation is stupid, creativity is stupid, art is stupid, there’s no point to anything, don’t be productive, that’s just what the evil wants, be an ascetic instead) I just now remembered I had a dreamlet last night that someone lurking followed me said they read my posts and like basically that I meant a lot to them, as far as fandom goes.
Yeah. It’s funny because it’s not real.
Mom likes to coerce me into conversation by asking me questions. How unethical of her.
I didn’t eat breakfast. That’s not important. But I have to write it down because mom and the psychiatric forces ass-rape me in the mind. To remind me what a bad person I am.
I took my pills on an empty stomach. This also isn’t important but same logic.
I have a coffee every five minutes. I don’t know how many that is daily. You have a fucking brain, do the math, shithead.
There’s nowhere to “hang out” on the internet.
It’s so hard to detect brainwashing. Wow. It’s so dangerous. When someone is slowly infecting your life, your personality, making you no longer you but a product of their design. With good intentions, always with good intentions. Fuck you all, so hard, all you shits who do this to me.
I have love but it’s crushed, so what does anything matter. The world fucking hates me. So fuck off. You die.