I don’t know, I mean, in the vein of (great word) making my sentences longer for better entertainment, maybe I can do this.

Writing in here is so pointless, it breaks my heart. I am now angry, I should be careful. I say mean things when I’m angry. I shouldn’t, so I should calm my anger, or at least be aware of it.

I wonder if my psychiatrist can prescribe me a low dose of depakote for my moodiness. It worked really well even for my psychosis last time, and mood was good too. But the dose was too high so it hurt my liver. That’s why I’m saying a small dose this time.

I want to meet friends (on here), I really do.

My mom. My mom. I don’t know what to say. Sigh.

And just, all of this, makes me so sad. I am so sad. Why.

Why the hardness. I sense such hardness in this place. There is nothing soft about it, no love. This blog is cold.

Why. It’s not me. It’s not me. I can tell.

What is going on?


4 thoughts on “

  1. Depuis quelques temps, je fais une dépression, même si cela ne se ressent pas dans mes poèmes ou mes vidéos ; non pas que je le cache, mais j’essaye toujours de voir le bon côté des choses.
    Te dire aussi que j’ai envie de me faire hospitaliser mais que ça fait 21 ans que je n’y suis pas allé.
    Tu as un ami, même si je ne peux pas aller sur ton blog par manque de temps.


    1. Thanks… I’m sorry for being so rude. You have to understand. I have to be a bitch here. I just have to be honest. Even if it means yelling at my best friends. That’s how I am. I’m not abusing you. I mean, it by all evidence seems that I am, but you are not under fire. It’s a generic “you” when I write it, not anyone in particular, and so… but I suspect the most hurtful part IS when I say I don’t have friends.

      I need to get it through my thick skull that I do have connections. If at least the human connection. Mutual interest. All people. Love, life, spirit. And of course you, here. Yes. I need to realize that we are all in love, together.

      I’m sorry for what I say on here. It’s horrible of me. I’m really, really sorry for hurting you. Thank you for staying strong through your depression and my abuse. I love you, comrade, as a friend, and I hope to continue to do so for time to come.

      Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ne t’inquiète pas 😌 je suis aussi parfois virulent et ce que tu écris sur ton blog est légitime. Au moins tu es vraie, tu ne mens ni à toi même, ni aux autres. Je le trouve très bien ton blog et je ne prends aucunement ta colère, tes « grossièretés » ( qui n’en sont pas) pour moi.
        C’est moi qui te remercie du courage que tu as d’écrire ici

        Liked by 1 person

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