I’m tired. Wow. Cognitively. It’s all productivity. I’m some CEO. Like, the CEO of my own mental condition.

Today I learned we say disability, not handicap. Because handicap implies limitation, whereas disability implies more accurately, I don’t know, it’s just more accurate.

I get it.

I’m reading like twenty books. Slowly. The FLCL manga is amazing. Buy it now if you liked the anime.

Lots of poetry.

Lots of photography.

Even some videography: Mom’s recording our hikes to the parkland but they’re too wobbly for her liking. If anyone is a videographer we have some consultation questions we’d love to ask you. I don’t expect any responses on here…

I don’t have any friends talking to me except…

CJ said he’s still alive. Good. All I want at this point.

Nick even responded, said he’s so busy and medicated he can’t spare the time for an email. Talking is easier for him. He’s more a conversationalist than a writer. Fair enough. I need to learn to respect his communication style. I was very disrespectful of it before, faux pas on me. Guilty’s tree makes a three pea eyed soup. ;-O

I love writing poetry. I wish more people would read my self published books / my books would get published by indie presses.

Eh. I don’t know, man. I don’t know. Limited output capacity of the system, I guess.

What else?

Halloween’s coming up. Amidst all this business I almost forgot. The decorations outside the front door and in the neighborhood remind me. We have a v. festive neighborhood more or less.

I’m still hesitant around the neighbors whom I ripped down their Minions decorations balloons and yelled at him. =(

It was psychotic rage. First directed at dad.

Well. I guess sometimes psychos CAN be, well… psychos. I am bad for the stereotype. So it goes. =(

Need to send something to a poetry connection in France. Out of love.

Need to update the chaffa on my desk / clean it out. Old papers in it.

A lot to do. Best to schedule time for it.

I should just schedule some room cleaning. We dropped off some old textiles at H&M for recycling, mother and I, and it felt great lightening our load in a green way. I hope it’s green. How do you ever know, you know?…

New technology and TNG better hurry up. Vertical farming, internet of things, distributed systems algorithms for supply chain management etc., quantum computing, nanotechnology.

I am particularly excited for bioengineering to come of age. When stem cells are toy things and they are just like, paste in the doctor’s office. Not even. The nurse’s office. You know?

The future is coming, bois. It’s just… stalled. For now. =/

Well…

I mean, I can’t even tell if I got a lot done today or just wiggled my arms. I lifted weights btw. Not much but, over time hopefully it brings back the tone. RN my biceps and tris are like, soft. Ew. Not manly. Yuch. =P

I’d like to be toned, at the least. I was as a tennis player.

Dad found someone to play tennis with. He’s invited me. I want to join, I’m just really self-conscious about my skill level after being out of it for so long.

Dad said it went okay for him though, and he’s been in a similar situation as me. Similar pot belly, too.

Government paperwork. My SDI insurance (disability pay from the state) hasn’t come, and it’s been literally months. Fuck. I’m worried. I never sent them my last salary, either, which worries me doubly. Fuck fuck fuck. Government shit always stresses the shit out of me.

Not self-conscious about using the word “stress” as a verb or even a noun anymore. Or rather, as a noun or even a verb.

Hmm.

This is just, listing itemized the stuff lately. And it’s so much. Fuck I guess I need a busy life to stay sane. Which I have felt, more or less. Sane, that is.

Still somewhat depressed, which makes functioning at peak efficiency difficult. I’m nowhere near who I was in undergrad. I’d get so much done if I was. I was a fucking genius back then. All the students in my school were. Sorry to say it, but I’ve grown stupider with the years passing. Sigh…

Ya. This is just listing things not even talking too much about them, and look how long it is. Fffffffffffffuck.

I made $11,000 off DOGE coin b/c I bought a few grand of shares while drunk and during a psychotic episode. Wow. Wowowow. Sometimes things work in your favor. Hah. It’s so funny.

The magic of DOGE.

Doje.

Whatevs.

Just talked to mom about crypto. Brother made woolongs on it, so she follows it, but she doesn’t actually know much of the technical fundamentals.

I tried learning a bit but it takes longer than I had to put in. Might go back some time.

One coin that interests me is Fetch.io or Fetch.somethingwhateveritis. Ya.

Just checked my bank account and cards.

Well. Sent a query to Barclays why my card is always rejected after the first purchase. I’ve even replaced it like twice.

Then Chase, and wrangling in control of old aged recurring payments. I’m paying for a language learning service (foreign language), kinda pricey. $100/year. Ouch.

So. I will have to make some decisions soon about whether to donate anymore or not. Whether the value to society is greater than my money or the other way around.

Tough choices, yeahp.

Listening to KP’s Calm app. I need a quieter keyboard. I’ve been just buying whatever I want/need lately, I have so much cash, but I won’t be able to soon. Unless the fucking disability paycheck comes in ahhh! I have to call them you’re saying?

Fack!

Fack.

We’ll just leave it at that.

Sorry to leave you.

All is full of love ” “.

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