No one needs to know this but the light pollution from the house outdoor lights next to the garage entrances outdoor walls outside leak through the blinds of my window and so my room’s not totally dark at night. I’m thinking of getting some room-darkening total-darkness curtains. My mom’s room is much darker at night but of course she works the graveyard shift. So it’s like we’re both screwed.

I want to make money. I want to support the family. I really do. But… work is so hard.

They tell me not to look not because it’s scary, but because it’s stupid. The world, people in the world, are fucking retards. Wow.

Even seemingly good well-mannered nice logical successful harmless ones. Retards, all of them.

Florida is sort of like caveman land compared to California. Which subsequently is da da da compared to Sweden.

North Europe is the best place. But it’s cold.


I didn’t sleep last night.

My psychiatrist is shitty and stupid. I mean never mind the shitty, she’s a good psychiatrist. But she’s a bad person. Always terse and rude. Nasty bitch, really.

But I was instructed not to focus on that. In order to improve my life. Focus on my life. Don’t have to meditate and be all internal, because that’s outside influence too–there I go again, thinking about it.

I mean I just have to focus on my life. And I’ll be okay.

I’m searching.

Are there others searching?

Oh. I’m wanted. Dead or alive.

I’d leave but I’ven’t anywhere to run to.

Run off to.

To clarify.

To go.

To be.

A park would be nice.


I almost revealed where I’m from. Naughty naughty no peaking.

I sit most of the day. My legs must be weak.

That’s sad. I’d rather stand or walk or run.

I’m so fat. Fuck.

Mom says I’m not that fat.

I’m like, 200 lb. Age 33.

Kinda fat.



Just fyi I post most of these not out of completion but out of abandonment.

Here’s another one.

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