I’m so pathetic and the more I talk the worse it gets. The deeper I bury myself. Also I don’t know how to overcome my paranoid delusions. Not even one at a time. My doctor prescribed me different dosage pills. 120 mg instead of 20 mg so now I just take one a day instead of 6. They are much larger and I also got 90 of them this time, so that will last three months. She hasn’t responded to my last message. I have to try so hard to make appearances that I am an artist all the time instead of letting my work speak for itself. It’s so hard when your words are your work that how do you communicate then? Presentation becomes art itself and vice versa and there’s no escaping anything anymore.

I wish I were just a NASA engineer instead. So much easier than being a poet. Steadier pay, easier more regular work.

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