life sux snd hlp

I just want to go out somewhere today. Or, I did. The day is almost over so I guess that cancels that option.

Sigh.

Somewhere, SF, the park, the marina. Something.

There’s nowhere beautiful, nature, around here. California isn’t really beautiful. Europe is.

What to do.

Dad’s in Florida. He’s doing some transaction to get lines drawn for the new house.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to fund the rest of the construction but he lies about it and he’s super enthusiastic about the project.

He lies when we ask him how he’s going to fund it. He slimes his way out of the question.

I own some books I really never would read. Stupid ones. One is about the Chinese political party. Stupid, useless. Library donation material. Takes up much needed space on my book shelves. It’s just a waste of space.

I haven’t exercised all day. There are two exercise bikes in the house. I’m not wasteful. Decidedly, I distance myself from my family. But my parents, and my brother, are.

One of my favorite things in college was going home from class and reading the text books or homework right away. I didn’t even delay, I just got to work right away. It was so fun for me. I was a good student. I got above a 3.5 but I forget what exactly. Not a 4.0. Not in college, it was a tough school.

So really, I have no one to talk to. Not family, not friends, not romance.

I’m alone.

I can’t bury myself in books, fiction or non, because of the negative symptoms of my disease.

So what else is there. There’s no nature near where I live. I can’t drive very far because that makes my brain explode, probably because of my mental illness, again.

Life is just over. This is it. Until they cure my disease, which in all likelihood they might not, my life is at a dead end. Sure, I’ll make mild progress on career! projects, etc. yes great, clap clap, but, they’re just applauding because I’m a retard and they’re being nice. It’s not nearly enough, on my end.

Why are words being underlined in blue. It’s so annoying. Logically? Anyone would design it so that if you right click there’s the option to turn it off. Nope! No such option. To be expected from the genius fuckass retards that make computer software. Nerds autistic nerds. Can program computers but not make basic human functional decisions. Fuck them so hard.

I hate relying on others. Because, I am smarter than most other people, which means usually the results I’m receiving are low quality according to my standards. So, yeah, the rest ensues. It’s aggravating.

=(

Life sux.

Send help.

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