I was watching someone do some weird stupid inefficient python programming on Twitch. They write books for a living, or do programming rather, and then publish books sometimes, and that pays their bills. I wish I could be independent. Once my first paycheck comes in, I’ll celebrate.

I don’t know if that’ll ever happen, though. I have lost so much hope.

Anyway, I’m tired of watching, and want to work on my own projects.


I don’t know.

I tried sharing some files between ubuntu and windows and it threw some bugs even though I double checked my work and think I did it right. The tutorial doesn’t say what to name your folder, and the window has a name input even though the folder is already named. Bad design is king, apparently.

Fucking sucks.

Ahhh I’m pissed, but also exhausted.


I don’t know what to say. I wish my mental illness weren’t raping me every day. I wish life were more normal. What a luxury a normal happy-ish life is. Fuck. I hate my disease. I wish there were more public support of the mentally ill. That’s all.



I had something I was going to say…

I guess, just, I wish to relax, but to do so by working on my computer programming projects. Web design (hard, challenging) or game design (more fun, but also hard, challenging), or learning, reading about, how to program shaders (would have to start programming, though, and requires downloading stuff, but would be on windows b/c on lappy at the book store, so fewer bugs there).

Yes, I’m implying it: Windows has fewer bugs than linux. It’s true.



I “met” some neat people online. I don’t know if they acknowledged me or said hi. But I know who they are now. Do they know who I am? Not really.

I’m getting that delusion that they’re stalking me and found my blog again.



Mom’s out shopping for the holidays with middle brother.


I decided today to make my art thrust to be to fight dictatorships. Because I’m so self-evidently passionate about that.


It’s exhausting, though.

Interesting political science thought experiment and subsequent prooof though in a previous blog post. You should check it out.



I need to work harder. I can’t. Therefore I’ll be in brain pain.

My meds don’t work.

I’m a torture victim.

Society’s not fair.

I don’t work hard enough but I also can’t.



So I guess I deserve to die?

So many people believe that.

Wait till I show them how kind and functional I am.

And then would they believe it?

And if I perform better on skill and aptitude tests than them?

Would they still believe I should die?

Then wouldn’t by induction they deserve to die?

I prefer it that way. I don’t mind dying if I take out a few lowlies in the process.



Have a good evening.


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