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I’m not interesting and I miss cognitive engagement (the 5 year old who wanted to grow up to be a mathematician)

If blogs are a reflection of how interesting someone’s life is, then I guess my life is not very interesting. It’s hard to put into words what it’s like to be psychically assaulted on a regular basis, and I should probably do more personally inspired creative writing to share the experience (muahaha), but I just don’t have the motivation.

I would be such a higher quality person if I had the motivation to do so many things.

Like study math. I need to study math. I don’t know why.

When I was 5 my dream career was a mathematician.

I lost interest when I attended an after school math club meeting in middle school and it was just math riddles. I didn’t find that very interesting. I don’t like when I like something, and someone shows me something that’s from that thing claiming that that’s what it is, and it discourages me from liking the thing, but really, they’re just twisting what the thing is and making it work for them instead of for me.

But to learn math, you have to learn to read math. And reading math is time-consuming.

Sorry, learning to read math is time-consuming.

I miss cognitive engagement.