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Ecstasy

Yes, I still want MDMA legal someday. Regulated, with therapy and support groups for those addicted, but legal.

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Lighter, Freer

I do not know do not know what I am doing

But I feel lighter and freer

Than before

Something’s working

I’ve got to keep it up

The heaviness and self-loathing catch me off-guard

Every once in a while

But on the whole

It’s better

Still, I’ve got to write

My addictions hold me

Down

In the basement

On the floor

In hell

Want some more?

Do show and tell

I’m free

To imbibe, smoke, and split

Don’t ever quit

I must admit

That my desire

Is not the fire

It once was

And that’s a good thing

I’m mellowing out

Got to catch my doubt

In my hands

This is my stand

Maybe the latter

Will follow suit

And maybe I will

Not pursue

My dilemmas

To the ground

Cross the sound

The sound sings to me

It is ‘live

It is string

It is theory

You’re still there

I thought it was over

Sing to me some more

I’m just a chore

Washed up on shore

Well then

Maybe it begins

Again

Thank you

For seeing it with me

An extra pair of eyes

Is worth in gold

Ever told

Your grandmother that

You hate to see

Such misery?

In the noose

In the duct

Kiss my luck

Goodbye

 

Goodbye

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Split-Lip // Counter Corner

Split-lip //

Counter corner

grocery store

chain

Ball and-

Fix

Cannot escape

 

Myself?

I never never never never

Let go

Often

Want

Something

Greater

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Maybe the psychosis will just go away on its own.

You know what started it? Pot. I had my first telepathic experience on marijuana, and it was excruciating. I still get spikes of it from time to time.

If it IS pot, if I exercise enough the deposits in my fat should burn away.

Might also explain why exercise seems to increase symptoms, and not in a regular pattern.

I just want to tell my psychiatrist how presumptive and how much of a prick he is. I might drop him a note as he’s leaving Kaiser for UCSF in two months, at the end of his stay. Positive criticism, give him some personality stuff to work on.

Kratom never caused my psychosis. Kratom is a helpful plant. You just have to respect it and dose gradually.

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Don’t move to America. There’s no freedom here. The government tells you what you can and can’t put in your body. Obesity-causing McDonals is a-okay and even encouraged because it stimulates the American economy, but herbal supplements that have been on the planets for years, long before humans got here, which have more of a right to this land than we do, are not allowed.

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At home. Symptoms not too bad. They’re going to make kratom illegal, the United States department of regulating what you can put in your body illegal denial of rights department. Because they hate drugs, and they hate people who do drugs. Their blood seethes with loathing at drug users. It’s irrational anger, and there’s no stopping them. They hate anyone who likes to have a good time. According to them, like must be plaid and intolerable.

Don’t move to America. There’s no freedom here.