And you and you and you and you…

I keep thinking if I politely, quietly behave, the voices will go away. If I don’t occupy them, then they won’t linger. We’re walking tomorrow instead of Sunday. Brother’s wishes. I slept a lot today to try to keep from drinking. I’ll do it again, if I have to. Unfortunately I already has a breakfast […]


I’m so trapped I have no one to talk to the schizoaffective disorder continues to destroy my life (more accurate than saying “is going to destroy” but also less correct for impulsive emotional reasons–which do count in a state of varjakBaby court of law). Mom’s asleep how much does shee need for work? I want […]

Being mentally ill x not having activities to engage in does not spell instant death, but it is for sure not a good thing. You tend to regress into that evil baseline, that level of stable corruption in your mind that you are used to that does not serve, that destroys you and eats you […]

Be Sure

Who knows. Maybe this morning/nighttime pill regimen for schizoaffective disorder is like, bad. Maybe it’s bad. But maybe it’s good. Maybe it works better this way. I don’t know. It’s hard to believe that a PRN wouldn’t absolutely fucking cure the shit out of SZN. But we avoid that literary issue of it being too […]

What Can Say!

I slept through a large part of the day after we got home from tennis. Nick wouldn’t understand what I’m doing right now. He’d be, think of the viewers, they haven’t caught up yet. Fuck you, man, I have got things to say I’m saying them. Fuck off. Brother middle at the park and vocally […]

I have a lot of problems. This is (one of the reasons) why I write. It accelerates the thinking process and helps me figure out my problems. Scientists will be scientists this statement has not been analytically evaluated. What I mean to say is, there is so much uncertainty everywhere, combined (short circuit in the […]

I’m horrified that my psychosis could return at any moment. It’s horrifying. And therefore, I’m not stable, from the tension of not knowing if it’s really gone alone. I’m not stable, I’m not sound, I’m not at peace. Also feeling really guilty at the same time, but fucking people don’t understand that I’m not capable […]

I was just having a wonderful night and my mother ruins it completely. Completely. Fuck. I don’t know, I thought I could live with her and just had to move away from dad, but maybe I can’t even fucking live with her and I should just go it on my own, seriously, go it on […]