I’m horrified that my psychosis could return at any moment. It’s horrifying. And therefore, I’m not stable, from the tension of not knowing if it’s really gone alone. I’m not stable, I’m not sound, I’m not at peace. Also feeling really guilty at the same time, but fucking people don’t understand that I’m not capable […]

Starting Work & Realizing What Needs to Happen to Revolutionize My Life

I suppose, and it doesn’t quite take a rocket scientist to figure this out but it does take a little thinking, that it only takes one person in life to be happy: Yourself. Some feed off a spouse, mutually, live amicably as 2. Some need a family, 3, 4. Some have friends, 5, 6, 7. […]

I guess now I’m supposed to go here and do this? But maybe I don’t want to do this anymore. Maybe I don’t want to do anything anymore. My mother could get dementia or alzheimer’s. I know what she would look like. She would be emotional–happy, scared, alternatingly. And the happy would sting me, because […]

This place is sort of the unofficial log of my schizophrenia. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but I’m not depressed anymore so I think the diagnosis should be changed to bona fide schizophrenia but they didn’t do that because psychiatry is an ineffectuate shitshow. I can’t stay in my room too long because of […]