I tell my mother I can’t talk. She asks if there is some barrier. I nod. She asks more. I say it’s because my dad abused me as a child. She is from Old Country Russia where when a mental ill person has mental ill she says Snap out of it! So she said that […]

And my parents are freaking out over this cat. They just can’t shut up. Fucking retards. And there’s news about China’s market on TV. And I am antsy beyond measure, and need a lot of beer to calm down (alcoholism) or lots of coffee to feel good (decaf, not a caffeine addiction). My life is […]

I’m horrified that my psychosis could return at any moment. It’s horrifying. And therefore, I’m not stable, from the tension of not knowing if it’s really gone alone. I’m not stable, I’m not sound, I’m not at peace. Also feeling really guilty at the same time, but fucking people don’t understand that I’m not capable […]

Starting Work & Realizing What Needs to Happen to Revolutionize My Life

I suppose, and it doesn’t quite take a rocket scientist to figure this out but it does take a little thinking, that it only takes one person in life to be happy: Yourself. Some feed off a spouse, mutually, live amicably as 2. Some need a family, 3, 4. Some have friends, 5, 6, 7. […]

I guess now I’m supposed to go here and do this? But maybe I don’t want to do this anymore. Maybe I don’t want to do anything anymore. My mother could get dementia or alzheimer’s. I know what she would look like. She would be emotional–happy, scared, alternatingly. And the happy would sting me, because […]