I just can’t settle down at home. Spikes. Spikes keeping me from talking.
I really need something really badly, but I don’t know what it is. I think my brain just wants its dopamine back. Cut the risperdal shit.
Why doesn’t blogging bring me joy anymore. It must be my antipsychotic. I wasn’t on dopamine suppressants in college. I know. That’s it.
My meds are still treating me like shit, as you can tell.
I just feel kind of lost in life. My job’s not very fulfilling so I’m toying with the idea of getting my PhD but I’d have to study for the GRE and my attention span is not so good because of my meds. So I guess it will just take longer, a little at a […]
My problem is I need intellectual fulfillment, but my dopamine system is destroyed so I receive no pleasure from actually performing intellectually fulfilling things, and in fact they are painful. It’s a Catch 22 and it ruins my life.
The problem with having a dopamine deficiency is you don’t find that cozy pleasure from things that you love. You’re part dead inside. Great medicine.