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I don’t really know what to do. I can’t do anything. I don’t have anything to say. My thoughts are audible. There’s no privacy. I vape all the time. I’m off kratom. I don’t think it was causing my psychosis. The psychiatrist just got caught up in the anti-drug hype. It never really did much for me after the first year or so. I think the body just gets used to things and then they don’t work anymore. Except for hard things you don’t like, like exercise. I have plenty of money, but not enough to retire or buy citizenship in a foreign country. I hope desperately I will be able to work after my leave is over. Nothing to drink. So infatuated with alcohol, even it doesn’t do much. I need to drink less. Maybe this is the affective part of schizoaffective disorder. Not major depression, falling into pits of black chest ache and mental destruction, but just not being happy with anything, not being happy at all ever. Maybe that is it. They say anhedonia is a symptom of depression, so maybe that is what it is. I wasn’t sure if the diagnosis was correct. I have to trim my nails. I don’t really know why. Just waiting to go on this walk then I come home and don’t have anything to do again. Everything is such hard work. I wish I could work hard.