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It’s Fun

Having a mental illness as extreme as schizophrenia (or in my case, schizoaffective disorder, to be precise), you start to understand, without being involved at all, why things like murder exist. It’s absolutely fascinating, the power of theory and experiential learning.

Basically being a psycho is less like being a murderer and more like being on a bad drug trip. Obviously if it’s extreme enough you could pull some sketchy or immoral shit which is justifiable to you, but most of the time you’re actually just suffering, “hallucinating” (and yes, there are some ambiguities to this term that I will discuss in the future), having delusions!!!, etc.

It’s FUN FUN FUN!

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Stasis Trap

CONTENT WARNING: Hate speech.


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I just can’t settle down at home. Spikes. Spikes keeping me from talking.

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I have nothing to do because I can’t read.

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Give me something to do.

What is this force antagonizing me? What is it?

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I really need something really badly, but I don’t know what it is.

I think my brain just wants its dopamine back. Cut the risperdal shit.

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I have no life and I have sex with my parents.

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Why am I having sex with everyone. It’s so uncomfortable.

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I’m performing energy blowjobs (kind of like psychic, but energy not psychic) to my father and strangers. I have the mind of a rape victim but I was never raped. My psychiatrist doesn’t know about this. Who cares if he doesn’t. He’s useless anyway. What can he do.

I just have to live with it. The more I can’t live with it, the more I have to rely on medications. So I have to get used to it. It’s unpleasant but if I live with it, I won’t have to take this horrible medication that drains me of my life.

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Image board websites are garbage.

Here’s literally what a symptom feels like. This is one of many different kinds. Many.

:

am not indecided, but the decision is split in  half. My intuition splits. It is half right to go one way, half right to go the other. My intuition is confused. The halfs have sharp edges and they cut me in my mind and I feel pain.

 

That’s a symptom. Complicated? It combines my intuition being out of my control, sensory hallucinations (tactile, pain), and visual inner eye hallucinations (seeing halves split in two).

 

More where that came from.